God is in a generous mood this week. Along with speaking to Paris Hilton and telling her to do something with her life other than driving drunk and making low quality porn, He gave the Weblinc Bowling Team a second chance to win the Philadelphia Ad/Web Agency Bowling League. The Fisticuffs, led by award winning Coach of the Year Anthony Bucci, squared off against arch nemesis Cobra Kai in The Clash of the Keglers at North Bowl last night.

The Fisticuffs dominated the Wednesday night league finishing the season at 44-8 earning the #1 seed for the playoffs. But even roads paved with good intentions can have a pothole here and there, and the Fisticuffs loss in the second round of the playoffs to fall into the loser bracket. Staring ignominious defeat and lifelong mockery straight in the face, the Fisticuffs rallied and blasted through the loser’s bracket and avenged their playoff loss to win the Wed Night title.

Now the stage was set as the Monday night champion Cobra Kais were the last hurdle to clear in the Fisticuffs quest for immortality. Mano a Mano, Ball to Ball, Rosin Bag to Rosin Bag, eight timeless warriors were to face off for the most coveted title in sport, and a chance at bowling immortality. A mere 3 games were all that were going to separate winners from losers, men from boys, and the wheat from the chaff.

Like a tumbleweed rolling through the Kansas plains on a blustery fall day, the Fisticuffs demolished the Cobra Kais in game 1 winning by 154 pins. As puddles of urine pooled beneath their seats, the Cobra Kais planned to sweep the leg in Game 2. But with steely resolve unseen since The Battle of the Bulge, the Fisticuffs dug their foxhole deep and repelled a furious Cobra Kai assault winning game 2 by a mere 5 pins. Now only needing to lose by less than 159 pins, the Fisticuffs assumed the crane stance, wrote up some new toe tags, and placed the Cobra Kais in their own body bags after game 3.

Much like war, there is a bond that grows between men thrust into the heat of championship bowling. And while Shakespeare never witnessed a battle more epic than this, if he had I am sure he would have commemorated the moment in prose:

From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of bowlers;
For he to-day that makes his spares with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so drunk,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen at North Bowl now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That bowled with us upon Saint Fisticuff’s day.